My father's daughter

My father, in his own words, has been "upset since the day [he] was born," but in a funny, boisterous, ranty, somehow stoic, super Irish way. The "upset since the day I was born" is part of the whining speech, delivered to chronic complainers: "What?? You're upset about something? Why shouldn't you be upset? What's wrong with being upset? You probably should be upset. I've been upset since the day I was born."

Believe me, he had good reason to be upset from that day he was born in 1930 in Southern New Mexico. The times, they were not good. But he and his family made the best of them, and he became a successful man, a good father, and whatever the opposite of a "whiner" is. He never ever complains but oh my god does he rant. The rants, they are endless. I really can't list them all. The most frequent: IDIOTS. The most random: Kenny Chesney. The most recent: unflattering chunky clunky shoes.

So, because I am my father's daughter, here are some things I am TOTALLY AGAINST for no good reason:

1. Flameless candles
2. Andy Rooney's eyebrows
3. Robin Thicke
4. The following words: moist, girth, corpuscle
5. Tom's of Maine
6. Facial hair trends, such as the goatee (or any imitative and therefore uncreative creative facial hair)
7. Caller ID entitlement (not leaving a message on the assumption that I will see that you called and therefore call you back)
8. Olives & mushrooms (I know, everybody loves them. I dare you to make me like them. Stuffed and/or alcohol-drenched not included.)
9. The U.S. media's "predator" fetish


(Okay, so there are good reasons to be upset about one or two of those, NOT THE LEAST OF WHICH IS ROBIN THICKE, but we ranters have our convictions too.)

Quivering with guilty anticipation

I think I have admitted my pathetic love of The Ghost Whisperer here before. The J.Lo Hewitt, the endless supply of peignoirs and matching gowns (because the ghosts, they come at night), the false eyelashes worn at all times, the sensitive aid in resolving earthly crises and paving the way for the crossing over . . . I could go on but then I would have to admit even to myself that I am actually 82. Anyway. Now? On Friday nights? Right after the J.Lo Hewitt? This:

A charming vampire detective with a postmodern sense of humor, a rakish smile, a caddish sensibility, and none of the luggish morality of Angel! (Sorry, Angel fans, I'm a Spike girl through and through.) And just when I thought it might be a good idea to spend more Friday nights out socializing.en I thought it might be a good idea to spend more Friday nights out socializing.

So to review the initial list of things that will be keeping me sane during the tenure-hell year:

1. Buddhism
2. Big rigs
3. Imaginary Vampire Boyfriends