Professing * Reflecting

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Guess what I was greeted with when I checked my email first thing this morning? A lovely video of an ex's impromptu holiday wedding on the beach, sent by him with the subject line, "Surprise!".

True, our relationship was unremarkable and short-lived. He is an old family friend, and my (so different from me) sister had set us up. I often forgot I was dating him and finally alienated him completely when he sidled up to me once on a dance floor. I mean, imagine my surprise, since I often forgot he existed. I now admit my reaction and reply--" Huh? I dance alone!"--was hurtful but it seemed funny at the time and it was true.

Anyway, the video really was lovely and his new wife is lovely and he is hotter than I remember. The gesture, though, is baffling. Why send it to me? We are not really in contact, aside from the very occasional call or forwarded email joke.

In any case, it made me feel like a stooge. Being in the Deep Red for a week made me feel some marriage panic, something I usually do not feel at all. At one point, I even actually thought, "I must come back here with a husband next year." My sister is hell-bent on marrying me off and my father kept implying that "It is time [for you to get married and have babies]". My sister really wanted me to marry (I am not going to skip the Shakespearean pseudonym for him and go with . . .) Goober Face.

Hrumphh. I do not want to be married, especially not to a Goober Face. Why am I thinking that Goober Face looked beautiful and his new life idyllic? Was it the beach? Is it wrong that I kept wanting the waves visible behind them during the ceremony to rise, tsunami-like, and wash the whole scene from my screen?

This is exactly the kind of bullshit I resolved to sidestep in the new year, right? Right. Back to work.



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