Professing * Reflecting

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Working weekend

I often do this to myself. I schedule my life so that I somehow end up having to work during at least two major holidays a year. Part of the problem is the way deadlines fall and is somewhat out of my control. Yes, I could get the work in well BEFORE the deadline, but I am starting to think that is somehow genetically impossible for me. But I also do this on purpose. Rather than deal with the holiday pressure, I say to myself, "Self, gorgon extraordinaire, rather than dealing with the the crowds on the shore or at the ferry or in the bay or in the airports, you shall spend a luxurious weekend alone with hours upon hours to do your work in a leisurely and thoughtful manner. Your friends will be away, and you will have no distractions."

This is all good in theory. In practice, however, I never do my work in a leisurely and thoughtful manner. And then there is the social misfit aspect of the radical decision to ignore a holiday. I end up feeling like a one-eyed humpbacked leprous warthog every time a family member calls ("What?!?! You are spending the holiday alone? You are all by yourself? I am so sorry") or when I hear the sounds and smell the smells of a neighbor's barbecue. It is hard to pretend there is no holiday, which is kind of necessary in order to get any work done, when you live in such very close and cramped proximity to thousands of other people. I have taken to saying "Oh yes, I am having a working holiday," the oxymoronic nature of which tends to confuse people and make me seem like some kind mad and glamorous genius. Or at least I like to this it does. Sometimes I try to feel morally superior to the people having mai tai's and hot dogs on the porch behind me and to the right. But moral superiority is not really my thing and I have a hard time getting off on it. Ultimately, it bores me.

In reality and for whatever reason I like to work when the rest of the world is working, and I end up spending at least part of every "working holiday" having a nice little pity party for myself. Would it be different if I were in a relationship or if I had a family of my own? Would I have these great relaxing holidays surrounded by friends and family or would I still secretly think it might be really great just to send my loved ones off for a great time so that I could have some time to myself and REALLY REALLY get some work done?

Because once I get past the bouts of self-pity and get into the rhythm of writing, I kind of love these working weekends. I never get as much done as I would like and it can get lonely but in the end it is in its own way rather lovely.



Post a Comment

<< Home