I heart opiates

It's true. But I have not been off ingesting opiates. I have, however, been taking melatonin every night and marveling at its opiate-like effects. I take it. I start to read. 15 minutes later . . .boom, down. Love it. Even have a slightly woozy buzzy happy hangover in the morning that I do not mind so much and that wears off quickly.

I have been sick with a sinusy allergy thing and remain exhausted from being back at school and being SLAMMED with about 75% increase in departmental service work load due to various things that went down in the department last year, The Unbloggable Year. I figured out that this is why, even with teaching only two this semester, I am massively overwhelmed.

Other than that I have had very little to report. Yesterday was my friend Paloma's birthday, and our Gay Husband and I took her to a nice little fancy place for a birthday dinner. I will leave you with a snippet of our dinner conversation.

Gay Husband: Paloma, how's the quitting smoking going?

Paloma: I started again. I need a vice! I am dieting, I am not going out drinking, I. . .

Medusa: You could start watching porn.

Paloma [without missing a beat]: Yeah, I am just not that into it, at least not watching it alone. I . . .

Gay Husband: Me either. I always just wish I was there.

Paloma: I don't! I wish the exact opposite, because the guys are disgusting and . . .

Gay Husband: I think gay porn is better. I mean, the guys in straight porn might have giant dicks but the guys in gay porn are much better looking.

[At this point, the neighboring patrons--very close in the cozy room--begin to cast long stares in our direction. I begin to think of New Kid, wishing the genteel Southern lady who harassed her were suddenly plopped into this Yankee scene. But these were not stares of offended bigots but rather the slightly uncomfortable stares of proper tweedy types keeping a keen eye on acceptable dinner-table topics. Nevertheless in honor of New Kid and remembering the gift that Paloma bought from our glass artist friend for Gay Husband last Christmas, I say . . .]

Medusa: How's your glass butt plug, Gay Husband?

Gay Husband: I still hate it!

Paloma: It's beautiful! You don't have to use it as a butt plug. It would make a nice paperweight.

Medusa: Do you hate it because it's glass?

Gay Husband [raising his voice]: I hate it because it's a butt plug!

So, yes, I like to think I have done my small part in raising the bar of dinner conversation throughout the land.