And now for the out-loud rants, or secret messages to assholes

Warning: What follows is pretty harsh, even for me. It's the end of the semester. I am tired. I am angry. I am bitter. The filter is off. I am the Medusa Grinch who stole Christmas. Whatever. Sometimes you have to let it fly.

1. To John McCain: You might win, because God knows how America loves justifying all manner of bullshit in the name of a tortured political prisoner (e.g. Jesus), but "I love America. I love her enough to make some people angry." [emphasis mine]. You've made Dr. Medusa angry, you sexist prig.

2. To Oprah and Mitch Albom, you emotionally manipulative critically challenged fools, for reminding me of how desperately I mourn those I have traumatically and suddenly lost, with your idiotic promo for this sentimental schlock, For One More Day: "What if you had one more day with someone you'd lost?". Gee. I'd never really thought about that like 8 million times before. Thanks and happy fucking holidays!

3. To the Fuckwits on the second floor from the the crazy lady in the attic and the couple with the newborn baby on the first floor: "Oh, you came home from a week's vacation and shoved all the rotten food in your fridge down your disposal? And it ended up backing up the first floor's sink and causing new mom and dad to have to pay a plumber $300+ and clean up all night? But you are not responsible for the bill because the actual clog ended up in a common pipe? What? That's just the way it's written in the condo docs, so it's not your responsibility? Oh, okay! And sorry to 'gang up on you' to ask you to pay for a repair your actions necessitated! You are definitely the victim here and we are sorry we asked you to assume responsibility when it is clearly our responsibility to pay your bill AND to make you feel okay about it."

4. To the Dolores Umbrage/Laura Bush figure, who came to my college this week to tell me how indoctrinating students to be good little capitalists under a corporate model is for the good of the academy and indeed the nation: how would you like me to present the assessment results of my students' ability to deconstruct precisely the kind of racist, nationalistic, fascist bullshit you're shilling?