Go Get Yourself Some?!

Greetings Medusa--

Here is your horoscope for Friday, July 15:

If it's intense, you'll be fascinated by it -- so much so that you'll want to spend all your time doing it. If it's not, forget it. You're interested in only one thing now: adrenaline. Go get yourself some.

Dear Ms. Fox, Internet Astrologer--

Let's not be coy. You are talking about sex, right? Intense sex, right? Let's be clear: you are supporting, enabling in fact, a desire to "spend all [my] time doing it." Yes, you could be suggesting that I spend all of my time this weekend (or in this star cycle?) bungee jumping, on a race car track, or perhaps diving off cliffs on the west coast of Mexico. You could even be suggesting that I pick up a drug habit this weekend, perhaps go score some crystal meth in order to simulate the adrenaline rush I so astrologically desire. (And what about all those summer-baby meth heads who are looking to you for good, solid advice today? You have just sent them out to get themselves some crystal meth. Tskk, tskk.)

Have you no social responsibility? Have the stars no social responsibility? Yes--I appreciate that you are not telling me to bake some cookies or decoupage some end tables, because that is what my sign loves best (as you tell me on the other 364 days a year). I do feel a little thrilled that you are mandating that I be a wanton slut and/or hook up with the crystal meth crowd (most of them are Geminis and Libras, right?).

But let me tell you something, missy! I have work to do! I am a professor! I have . . . professor-like things to do. Serious, serious things to do. All weekend! Alone! It's the middle of the summer and I am behind on doing these serious professor-like things! Have you no shame??

Look, lady, I have a half a mind to follow up on my threat to get my daily horoscope delivery switched to my ascending sign! HA! How about that? And you would never know that you are sending advice meant for a Capricorn to a cookie-baking, decoupaging meth fiend! Don't think I won't do it.

Please understand that you have a great deal of power and with that comes a great deal of responsibility. You are Internet Astrologer to millions. And we are not deleting those horoscopes, either. We are listening. If I end up spending all weekend in bed with The B., having great intense sex, I am blaming you and only you.

Yours,
Medusa