If only I could . . .

. . . finish this article, I would finally be done mining my dissertation for publishable nuggets (and therefore also be done with the anxiety and writer's block of the dissertating time, so the logic of Medusa goes).

. . .finish this article, I could go back to the newer happier research (you would laugh mightily at this description if you knew the topic) that I really want to be doing.

. . .finish this article, I would be able to plan my new class for next semester, order my books, and get back to my around-the-house summer projects.

. . .finish this article, I could go outside and play.

Pssst . . .self, gorgon extraordinaire, finish the goddamn article already! You have spent years thinking, reading, writing, and presenting this stuff. You've got it. Move on with your bad self.