These stunts were performed by a professional

In the past too few number of days:

Number of pages of student writing graded: 714
Number of essay exams graded: 42
Number of final grades tabulated: 64
Number of "A"s given as final grades: 7

Do not attempt to re-create or duplicate these stunts. Personal injury may result.

And now? And now I shall drink the wine of freedom. ($11.99 a bottle at Trader Joe's)