Dr. Medusa's Quit Smoking Guide (Part 1)

Day One: Decide you will tell no one what you have decided to do for at least a week or until they notice. Take great pleasure in the idea of surprising everyone with your great news. Smoke your last cigarette. Tell yourself you might have one later if you really really want one but that will really really be the last one. Clean and put away all ashtrays. Do not smoke the cigarette you told yourself you could if you really really wanted to later.

Day Two: Tell everyone you have ever known that you quit smoking. Tell them exactly how long it has been since you smoked a cigarette. Freak out. Panic. Make everyone you know freak out and panic. Convince self and others that you might actually die. Drink two glasses of red wine, take a Xanax, and go to bed.

Day Three: Rediscover your lungs. Take a long walk to smoker friend's workplace. Give her all of your cigarettes. Take longer walk home.

Day Four: Make out with bassist in the back room of a guitar shop for entire afternoon. Sweat. Go running at sunset. Sweat more.

Day Five: Float in deep part of spring-fed pond for hours. Take walk with cute boy to favorite Mexican food joint. Drink margaritas with cute boy. Kiss cute boy all night long.

Yes--life at the moment is very very good. And I can breathe. I do not feel that I am out of the woods quite yet, but the cravings and physical symptoms (headaches, dizziness, lack of concentration) are not as insane. Friends, family, and my blog peeps have been absolutely amazing. That's the key--the support. I do not know how anyone could do this without it. And the kissing. Maybe not key but . . . wow, nice.

And check it (the counter, that is)--less than 48 hours away from the week mark. Sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet.**


**Do not know when gratuitous use of punctuation and modifiers will end. Maybe this is an undocumented symptom of nicotine withdrawal. Or maybe I have smoked all of these years in order to control this impulse (in which case my editors are going to be pissed).