Professing * Reflecting

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Pissy Day Six

I am in a pissy mood for no reason. It's an absolutely gorgeous day outside. I am pretty much free as a bird and could do anything I want to do on this gorgeous day. (Yes, technically I should be doing work and I am going to be in a world of shit in a few weeks if I do not start doing work, but I am giving myself permission to do whatever the hell I please--except smoke, of course--while I am quitting smoking.) I am fairly certain that I will be seeing The B. tonight, the thought of which makes me smile and smile and smile. Even if I do not, there's a good show in the neighborhood that I would like to see. I feel good. I am not exactly craving a cigarette. No headache. No dizziness. The only tangible thing annoying me is that I am becoming extremely sensitive to the smell of smoke in my house (on clothes, rugs, etc.) and cannot seem to get rid of it.

Still--pissy, pissy, pissy. I still want to be enthusiastic and proud that I am achieving this long-time goal. Instead I am thinking, "Yeah, so you quit smoking. So what? Get over yourself."

Grrrrr . . . maybe I will go buy things. Reward myself with material goods. Problem is there is really nothing I am dying to buy and funds are low (even though I am saving $7.50/day on cigarettes--astonishing, isn't it?). The impulse is nevertheless there. OK. When in doubt, consume.



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